Many of us have heard this phrase directed at us a time or two, I know I have, sometimes resulting in even more frustration. But there is some truth to it. It implies that patience is more than simply waiting; it is a developed skill to demonstrate self-control, emotional balance, and thinking with clarity. It allows us to tolerate delays, frustration or discomfort without ‘going o the rails’, resulting in better decision making and personal growth.

The question now is; how do we get there, especially if we are a caregiver?

When you $nd yourself feeling frustrated to your eyeballs, check yourself for your level of expectation of the situation. Expectations are standards we want ourselves and others to meet. When expectations aren’t met, frustration builds. But having little or no expectation isn’t good either. Why? Because it could set a precedent that there is no standard to live up to.

By the way- claiming you have no expectations is an expectation!

Sometimes people $nd themselves in the caregiving role very suddenly and sometimes it is more slowly and eventually, it is realized that a family member or dear friend needs more constant care. The latter gives more time to adjust to and accept a caregiving role.

Practicing patience is an ongoing process. First, don’t wait until frustration has piqued. The following steps to practice for a few minutes several times a day, each day, to maximize benefits.

These are suggestions:

  1. Find a quiet corner away from the din. Eyes can be opened or closed during this process.
  2. Take a few deep breaths to quiet your mind and be still within yourself for a few minutes or so.
  3. Count from 1 to 10 and then backward from 10 to 1.
  4. Feel the sensation of relaxation as it begins to calm you from head to toe as you count from 1 to 10 and then backward from 10 to 1. Do this as many times as you want to reach the desired level of relaxation.
  5. Take a few cleansing breaths and resume what you were doing, alert and aware feeling lighter and relaxed.

When your mind is clearer, decisions may be made with increased clarity and always in the best interest of the one being cared for.

The benefit to this daily ritual is when a di7icult or confusing situation arises, your response will be a response and not a knee-jerk reaction.

Tucked inside this exercise is a way to develop skills to demonstrate self-control, emotional balance, and decision making with clarity which is patience.

  1. Be grounded and meet your care receiver where they are, not where you think or want them to be.
  2. Stay in the present moment and resist mourning either the past or the future.
  3. Detach from negative emotions and realize the care receiver gets frustrated too.
  4. Be kind and compassionate.

Caregiving can be a rewarding experience for a care receiver and for you, as the caregiver, when patience, understanding and compassion are applied.

Until next time…
Mary Beth Hobson, CH